Lost Years Part Deux

After taking a degree in Comparative Mendacity at UNC, I took a three-week class at
Planned Parenthood of Orange County and received a certificate in family planning. Once I got to California, I managed to convince a number of key people that my family planning certificate was actually a license to practice family therapy. That is how I became a Hollywood marriage counselor. I took a job at a big marriage counseling firm called Goldman, Sachsen, Bosch and Gauche. I was part of the team that worked on the Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman file. That was our biggest case for a while and we put a lot of resources into it. I remember many late nights, scarfing Chinese take-out, and brain storming with some of the sharpest minds in the business in an all-out effort to keep Tom and Nicole together. The work was so intense that we went on teamwork and leadership retreats every couple of months or so. It was like the Manhattan Project, with a black budget and everything. As the scope of the project went spiraling out of control, the folks at corporate came to their senses. They farmed it out to another firm and broke up the team. I was demoted to deputy secretary of Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. I was supposed to convince members of Angelina’s family to convince Angelina not to adopt that Cambodian baby, as that, we all knew, would run Billy Bob off for good. Well, we all know how that turned out. Shortly after that debacle I left counseling and went to work in Las Vegas.