Sorry...

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, gang, but I have been busy. My publisher got me this gig writing a pamphlet for teenagers called "So You've Decided To Take Up Cutting" and man, it was a lot of work. Especially since I don't know a gol-durned thing about cutting. Then I went on this kick where I decided to go digital and started switching everything in the house over. It was easy enough to find a digital TV, but a digital microwave oven, a digital refridgerator, these things are not easy to track down. I had a lot of fun asking clerks in stores "is this digital?" regardless of what it was I was buying. I learned a lot, too. Like, did you know your hands are digital? At least your fingers are anyway. When I couldn't get digital (like with tires, for example), I settled for virtual.
Then I saw a commercial for a chicken sandwich on the TV and the tagline was (no lie) "The only way to beat it...is to eat it!" I am still pondering this little nugget of post-modern op art, and will someday have a coherent post explaining my reaction. Meanwhile I must go take a spin on my virtual tires.

Suggestion

If you happen to be in the Whole Foods on Elliot Rd. in Chapel Hill anytime soon, check the bulletin board for my fake complaint. If I don't make the bulletin board, at least it will give the worker bees in the back a good chuckle:

The only thing more congested than the flow of chi in your establishment is the traffic flow in the parking lot. The electro-magnetic fields emanating from the automatic doors make me dizzy as I walk in and then things just go completely downhill. Most of the men in the meat department suffer from acute ego calcifications and need psycho/spiritual cleansing. One of the checkout ladies has an aura of such a lurid shade of pink that I often nearly keel over. Particularly upsetting are the times when I can not locate a current issue of “Living Without” magazine. I attribute these imbalances to your fetishistic reliance on linear and dimensional totemic modalities. I hope that soon you are able to establish cohesion and balance, both for my sake and the sake of the planet.

My personal information

I just heard something on the radio about how identity swipers are getting personal information from blogs. Well, if you are trolling blogs looking for personal information, let's go. You wanna piece of me, tech-boy? You wanna piece of this? Here's some information for you: my real name is Reginald Wilfer Reece, my D.O.B 5-14-71, I live at 2123 Hangdog Lane in Clayton, North Carolina and my social security number is 254-87-7602. My two boys are named Stephen and Michael and my wife is named Stephanie May Reece (maiden name Hazen). Will that do you? I must warn you, you come after me and I will put you in a world of pain. Let's see, what else...I like chicken, good coffee and my favorite flower is the daffodil. I had two credit cards but I shredded them last week in my new shredder I bought at Staples on Highgate Parkway in Raleigh (phone number 919 354-8954). I am a deep sleeper and arise early each morning without the aid of an alarm clock. I have never even seen metahamphetamine, nor have I ever hopped a train. I put 87 octane into a 1993 chevy pickup about once a week. I have a .22 rifle I like to shoot at mattresses in the woods but can't hit anything smaller than that. I am not afraid of anything, least of all you, creep. Take your best shot. I'm a-waitin for ya.

I'm getting some mixed signals here...

On the road in southern Guilford county. Never found the Dove of War.